


Never Would

by HYPERFocused



Category: Everwood
Genre: Angst, Closeted Character, Coma, F/M, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Siblings, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 11:46:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8889508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HYPERFocused/pseuds/HYPERFocused
Summary: If only Bright had a do-over button, to make up for times he's not smart enough to know better.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cyren2132](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyren2132/gifts).



> This was meant for Yuletide Madness, but I got the tag and timing wrong.

Bright Abbott has never been the kind of guy to think things over. He acted before he spoke, and spoke before his mind thought to catch up with his words, or worse yet, the stupid shit he did, and couldn't undo, if anyone needed a reset button for their life, it was him.

Sure, he felt things. Maybe too many things. He couldn't help himself from blurting things out, no matter how awful his timing might be, and Bright was the crown Prince of what his dad liked to call verbal diarrhea. As in, "You open up your mouth and all this shit comes out. Do you even listen to yourself, Bright?" Despite what his father had said, Bright knew he wasn't stupid, exactly. Book stupid, maybe, yeah. But that wasn't everything. He trusted what his body count do in a game, with set rules and plays to learn. 

There were rules outside the game, too. Mostly things Bright couldn't say, or do, ways Bright couldn't be. Bright couldn't be in love with his best friend, the town’s golden-boy hero to his comic relief sidekick. Bright shouldn't watch him making out with his sister, and imagine it was Bright he was kissing, his hands, not Amy’s, pulling him in closer. Bright’s words, not hers, making declarations. Not that he was watching, or listening that closely, or anything, obviously.

Bright’s said it before, technically. “You know I love you, man.”

Colin took it like a Bro, coming back with a shoulder punch, and a “You know it, dude.” Bright didn't correct him.

They both did the Bill and Ted “fag!” move. Bright laughed because he was expected to, though it wasn't even funny. 

It made Bright feel kind of sick and sad, like he had when some of the guys hassled that slow kid who was always sweeping up at the Piggly Wiggly. Slow like short bus slow. There was nothing wrong with the guy that he could help. It wasn't his fault he looked a little weird, or talked funny.

It didn't really hit Bright until much, hell, drinking and comas, and more regrets than Bright could. _name_ , later, that he hadn't really even said it back.

God, the drinking. Bright had heard his dad talking about “liquid courage”, but what it was was liquid stupidity. It was what made Bright lean in close to Colin that time when they found that porn tape mislabeled at the Salvation Army store. Bright'd thought it was some dumb Adam Sandler movie He didn't stop watching when the real thing started playing, and the girls clothes started coming off. That is, Bright didn't stop watching Colin.

“Yeah, that's pretty fucking hot,” he'd said. “You know what I would do if I had a girl like that?”

“Careful there, sport, your girl is my sister. And she is nothing like that!’ Now there were two reasons Bright really didn't want to follow Colin’s train of thought. It was never going to track towards him. He didn't want to think about it, so he didn't. He just reached over to where Colin was clearly touching himself, hand down his partly unbuttoned 501’s, and started to take over. 

“Jesus, dude,” Colin said, yanking himself away like Bright had tossed a turd at him, or something, “I'm not...we can’t.”

“I know you aren't. I'm not either. I'm just a friend helping out a friend. It's kind of like how you can't tickle yourself.” Bright fell like an idiot, trying to explain himself without blurting it all out. Admitting shit no one was ready to hear.

“Um, I'm pretty sure I can jack myself off without too much problem,” was the response. 

“Yeah, of course. I just. Whatever.” Bright dropped the subject, and pretended to be engrossed in the stupid movie. Bright kept his eyes glued to the screen in case Colin really was weirded out. Bright didn't watch to see if Colin was watching him.

When his dad calmed down a little, Bright was going to tell him. Explain everything. Starting with how this whole life that was planned for him was bullshit, how he'd never been asked what he wanted to do, just told what he was good at. Very little that mattered in the real world, as it turned out.

Without football, Bright didn't know what his life was supposed to look like. No one had ever suggested he might take a different path, which was really dumb because athletes got hurt all the time. He couldn't count on an athletic career any more than most kids can grow up to be rock stars.

He didn't have a clue what his life was supposed to be like without Colin, either. He couldn't exactly talk about it with his sister. She'd lost Colin, too, but it was like they were entirely different people. To most people, it was her loss that counted. The great and tragic love of her young life. They made movies about this shit. Chick flicks.

Colin was just Bright's best friend. Totally different. Really sad, sure. The TV movie about that would probably make a guy choke up a little, kind of like that “Brian’s Song” thing he'd watched with his mom once, a few years ago when he was home sick.

Right now, Bright sort of wished he could do what Ephram and his family did. Take himself as far away as he could get from home, his memories, and the future that was never going to happen. Go somewhere completely new and unexpected and create a new life for himself. Figure out who he was, what he wanted, and what he had to do to get it.

He thought maybe he could ask Ephram what he thought about it. Bright was pretty sure he would have something useful to say. The guy was damn smart, and really kind of cool for a dork. Or geek. Emo kid. Whatever E was, he didn't deserve the teasing he got from the jocks, either. Bright should probably tell him that.


End file.
